I've been wrapped up in our own family drama this week -- Lila had her appendix rupture -- so I sort of missed much of the news this weekend. But got on social media and I see people denouncing nazis and I'm like, "duh." Like, that's so obvious. Why would you even post a meme about that? So now I see the news in Charlottesville, Va and I see WHY we have to denounce nazis. My summary is this: a group of guys had a klan rally sans sheets. They held a bunch of Tikki torches (well done Tikki for denying any associations with this group and their agenda) and marched for racial purity and the plight of the white man. The inevitable counter-protest happened and a nazi ran his car into this crowd, killing a woman -- blood smear on the street, dragging bodies, gory undercarriage.
I cannot believe this is happening. Yes, it was in one city, one gathering. But it was so...blatant. Even in the 60s klan members wore sheets when they burned stuff in yards. Part of them was ashamed. It seems like no one is ashamed now. People feel they have the right to be awful to other people.
Here is my FB post, my meme. I actually was going to post this, but it just got too long and felt too important to just throw up there under "What's on your mind, Shelley?" Just for the record: I don't think having light skin makes a person any better than someone who has darker skin. I think it is wrong to kill people because they are different. I am against anyone who is a white supremacist or fears that the white man is under attack. I live a life of privilege, but I still see the mothers who have to drop their sons at school and have to fear for them because they are starting to look tall and strong -- and therefore "dangerous" because they are black. I see women of color who have to work twice as hard to be recognized half as much. I see my Muslim neighbors who deal with automatic fear. I see people who want to make lives in our country but are exploited and despised. I want the value of a person to be judged by how hard they work and how much they love. It is how I judge myself and why I fail.
I am fully aware I have my own prejudices. I rarely see the sort of institutional racism that I know is out there. I am extra-attentive, less real, to families and children who have a different background. I find that I unconsciously make eye contact and smile at "sketchy" people I see on the street to let them know I see them; I realize that means I am afraid, instead of what I want it to mean. However, I am trying to understand the world we live in and the experience of others.
And to me, it seems like the current mood of our country is due to mostly anger and fear, but also a sort of selfishness. I don't want to fall into cliches, but the spirit of it all seems to be a graspy sort of fear about losing something. I don't know any of the men holding Tikki torches (I don't think) but I know people who have a little bit of the mentality in those guys. They may not be men. They certainly don't call themselves white supremacists, but they fear that letting otherness into our communities is bad for America. By "bad for America," they mean it is bad for them. They fear loss of jobs or safety or status. But also the "Love" side seems to only love certain things and certain people. They shun and ridicule the people who disagree with them. They see the opposition as 100% stupid and worthless. The fringe on either side seems a little crazy and desperate.
Inside of it all, there seems to be a plea to be acknowledged, to be valued and appreciated. In looking for a way to understand others, I want to be able to see the value in them. I can (and DO) absolutely reject the stance of those men in VA, and still I can find value in some part of their person. How can I condemn them for their close-mindedness and be close-minded myself?
For whatever reason, this morning I remembered a woman from my childhood. Her name was Sheila. My mother has a history of collecting stray people, bless her. Sheila was one of those. She came in from time to time to help mom cook and clean. She never finished High School, though I think she was very smart. She was young and black and uneducated in a small, southern town, She lived in the projects. She had gold teeth and a bad perm. She was addicted to something, not sure what. She had been in jail. The outside indicated that she was a bad bet. But she was so loving. She had a wonderful smile. She did a great job for my mom. Her fried chicken was to die for. I'm not sure her fried chicken was worth the many thousands of dollars she cost taxpayers in government housing or assistance, but SHE was. It is over 30 years later and I remember my joy in seeing her. I also remember my fascination with what her life must be like and how she saw our lives. She could have hated us. Maybe she did. I'm sure I was not all sweetness and light to her. But we were able to talk about books we loved. We could talk about boys. We had life in common. Sheila never got better. She never beat her addiction. She died a violent death.
I'm sure I never told Sheila that I admired her. I should have. I will tell you instead. I admire you. I admire your hard work to get through school or to get a job or to raise a family or to get clean. I admire your service to your country, your church, your community. I admire how you get up every day, go to a shitty job under someone you don't respect, and still do good work. I value your persistence in teaching your kids discipline. I appreciate your abilities to create, build, manage, and grow.
Nazis, no one is trying to take those admirable things away from you.
If there is a kernel of beauty in Sheila, a criminal, a freeloader, an addict, then there must be a kernel of goodness in all of us. I choose to find it. I choose to look for the good. I choose to not be afraid of others. I choose to help when I can. I choose to keep my mouth shut when I don't have anything important to add. I choose to be my best self and look for the best self in you.
I teach my children that tearing down someone else never lifts you up (though I'm still working on that, myself.) Right now, that mantra doesn't feel true. I hope it still is. I might be naive about how to handle these hate groups. Don't get me wrong, I am sad and angry and scared. However, even as they want to be better than someone, I want to be better than them. I want to distance myself from everything they say and they do and to treat them as if they are something less than human. I don't have to like them. I don't even have to respect them. I can abhor their actions. However, I will love them and feel for them. I will hope they get better, that they don't live a hellish life filled with soul-sucking hate, always viewing the world around them with suspicion and sneers. I will fight them, but I will do it with compassion. Otherwise, there will be a little nazi in my soul and I won't let that happen. Because, duh.
