Baby Blue, Soft Pink, and All the Space Between

Everyone is talking about trans people. It’s as if they were surrounding the city and clamoring at the gates. I don’t have much experience with trans folks; I think I’ve known three – maybe four. I’m sure I’ve come across several I didn’t realize were trans. Regardless, the ones I’ve met weren’t the clamoring type. If anything they stayed in the shadows and just wanted to be left alone. There are so many people out there who have more to say on the subject and who know more about history and sociology. I merely come to you as someone from the outside who has seen two young people transition and wanted you to hear about what I saw.

These are two kids I know through our “normal” life in the suburbs. They went to my kids’ schools, played in our yard, babysat, or came over for an art class with me. One transitioned male to female (let’s call her Lisa) and the other female to male (let’s call him Luke.) Both transitioned in high school. 

I met Lisa before she transitioned, when she was about…8? 9?  She was kind of a difficult kid to be honest. She argued about everything. She really didn’t smile or laugh. She always looked a little unkempt and didn’t like eye contact. Body language and conversation made it clear that life was a tortuous undertaking and everyone around her was annoying. An odd kid, no question. This was also an unhappy kid. As the years went on, my interaction with Lisa was limited to a few after-school activities and it was clear that this kid was withdrawing, despite being very smart and capable. I could see weight gain and downcast posture. Around sophomore year of high school, I saw Lisa in the hall and was shocked – not because she was now a she, but because she looked HAPPY. Her hair was a little longer and she pulled it back with a simple headband. She had on a clean, light pink 3/4-sleeve t-shirt and black pants. No boa. No drama. The drama was in the fact that she looked me in the face, gave me a whisper of a smile, and said hello. At this point, I had known the kid for like… 8 years. She had never voluntarily entered into a conversation with me or had this aura of contentment and confidence. I cannot fully express the transformation. It was like seeing a plant I thought was dead break open into spring blooms. I was astounded at the change.  

Luke was a little different. I never saw the level of depression that I saw in Lisa. Sure, maybe when we met, he was a little withdrawn, but lots of kids prefer small groups of friends and singular interests (like art!) But when his parents announced his transition and asked for support, I began to see the same sort of light in Luke’s eyes that you would expect to see in a happy kid. Luke is now a ray of sunshine. He legally changed his name, graduated college, grew a beard–  and is now a gregarious, successful, young adult. It was like Luke turned up his life from a 4 to a 9.

These are, of course, anecdotal. They are not anything more than my own experience and observation. But I honestly don’t see why we should have a problem with people taking their life to a 9. I’ve seen people take a financial stance, that they don’t want “their money” going to treatment of trans folks. Fine. I don’t like “my” money paying for the interest on our national debt. We all pay for crappy traffic plans and wasteful spending. We pay for glasses and weight loss and viagra. I’d rather our money go toward helping a person rather than lining someone’s pockets. People also take a religious stance. Again, sure, you have your feelings about what God would say. But, in fact, the Bible doesn’t address this specifically. And Jesus in the New Testament was pretty clear about accepting and loving everyone. You can choose a God of judgment or a God of love. If you choose judgement, I’m going to expect you to treat every person who is divorced, has tattoos, eats shrimp, and makes fun of their mother-in-law the same as you treat trans folks. Lastly, there’s the sports argument. I have a daughter in sports. I can tell you in almost every game she played there was a player who was clearly bigger, stronger, and faster. That’s life – and it isn’t an artificial problem created by trans people. Some people are just going to be able to kick your ass, whether trans people participate or not. I certainly don’t see it as a problem at the high school level or whenever; no one is transitioning to play 8th-grade, mid-level soccer. Title 9 exists so girls could play sports –  because everyone should get to play sports. Everyone doesn’t get to win. That’s not the point; it’s never been the point. As for the Olympics, well, they have their own ways of doing things and they’ll handle it however. If an American competes, I’ll cheer for the American. And after that, it’s whoever has the best outfit/story/smile.

Ultimately that’s it for me. It’s about their smile. I can see the smiles. Other than that, it’s none of my business. Carry on.