Disney

So, we went to Disney.  Jack is seven and Lila is four and, if we are lucky, they'll both remember it as a wonderful, magical trip -- and we'll never have to go again.

Not that it wasn't fantastic.  Disney does Disney like nobody's business.  The landscaping and service were incredible.  Before we even knew we were lost, someone would help us find our way.  Everything is clean and beautiful and very, very happy.  We had five days together without work or school, and very little phone, TV, or ipad.  We had big fun.

I also learned a few things. 

1) My children do not like being scared.  On some well-intentioned cast member's recommendation, we took them both on The Tower of Terror.  I was screaming.  The kids were freaking out.  Basically, you are on a malfunctioning elevator possessed by ghosts and you fall -- are elevated-- fall -- are elevated --at random moments, in the dark.  I thought Lila would never recover, but I underestimated her love of drama.  She was fine as soon as Josh began to interview her about her experience.  Jack... well, the damage was done.  The next scary ride, and the next, and the next, he balked.  No attempt to convince him that it was all ok could console him.  Strangely, the other ride that really got them was the Stitch ride at Magic Kingdom.  We've never really watched Stitch, but he's a funny, harmless little blue alien.  On this "ride" they strap you in, brace your shoulders and head, and turn out the lights and try to scare you with puffs of air in your hair.  The kids were crying.  I have all kinds of parent guilt, now.

2)  There are some weird people out there.  (My apologies if I describe you or someone in your family.)  I'm a little weirded out by the little girls, babies, and grown women who dress up as princesses.  A costume is fine.  A little wand?  A tiara? Sure.  A full out ensemble with hair extensions, make-up, tiara, glitter, high heels and no sleeves on a three year old when it's 45 degrees out?  Weird. 

3)  While the people at Disney were not, on the whole, overweight (which was kinda surprising to me since it is so very American) the food they give you there will make you fat.  We bought a food plan.  They give you breakfast, a snack, and dessert at lunch and dinner.  I don't think I ever ate all my dessert, but I ate a little of them all.  Ugh.  As to overweight people, my observation was that the most overweight crowd was the girls, ages 12 to 17.  Josh's observation was that there weren't many hot women.

4)  Everybody likes Disney.  I was amazed at how many older people were there.  We saw people get out of their wheelchairs to ride the Everest roller coaster and people in those little scooters everywhere.  Also saw many people without kids.  I have several friends without kids who really love Disney.  But the ones who really surprised me are the groups of adults with babies.  Would see parents, grandparents, and one or two little ones.  Really little ones.  Infants.  What's the deal there?  They can't ride anything. They won't remember anything.  You have to push and carry them everywhere.  Sounds horrible.

5)  Epcot was my favorite park.  It kinda has a mudflap personality.  The front is all educational: land, water, technology.  The back end is just hanging out, with food.  Pretty, in its way.  All good.  A close second, possibly a tie, is Animal Kingdom.  It has some of the countries, like Epcot, and it feels "natural." It has real animals who seem to be treated well.  Also has some play areas for kids.

6)  I was really proud that my kids didn't beg for stuff.  Disney has more stores than rides and they often empty out the ride into a gift shop.  My kids were probably most entranced by the pirate gear, but they never made a scene and they didn't break down when we said no.  I'm not sure if that means that we're raising them with low expectations or if I've spent too much time railing about "junk" and "commercial crap" and they're scared.

7)  It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be.  The lines weren't bad.  We never really had to wait for anything.  We had beautiful weather and great luck with being at the right place at the right time.  We'd flow from one ride to the next without trouble.  The kids were patient and relatively well-behaved.  We didn't have to make a crazy plan for our days and nights.  And, in its way, it was beautiful.  They really are amazingly, tremendously, terrifyingly efficient at what they do. 

8)   I wanted a place where I could have all my questions answered.  Not "when is Goofy going to sign autographs?" but things about the different kinds of trees and how they recycle the water and how much the princesses get paid.  What is the hierarchy of characters?  Do you start as Alice in Wonderland and work your way up to Belle?  Why does Cinderella get her own float?  How long are the character's days and what is their rotation?  How often do they change the scripts for the cast members?  I think I need to find a Disney expose'.  I'm sure there is one -- movie or book.  I want to know about the underground city.

9) For all the rides and shows and walking, there's not much for the kids to DO. When we found one (playground at Epcot, Tom Sawyers island at MK, the bone dig at AK) the kids were super excited.  I wish there was some more of that.  Also would have liked a quiet park area, one that's not fenced off, for me.  Or a sensory deprivation tank.  I would have rented one by the minute.

10)  Finally, and most importantly, I think we learned about our little family.  Jack is the kid who will watch the fireworks and tell you which element makes the fireworks have that particular color.  He will figure out where the crank, gear, or controller is for the ride.  Lila can actually fall asleep standing up and will cry at the shows when it's a sad story.  Josh learned that he needs to wash his hands more and I learned that I really don't travel well, especially with the kids.  But, we really balance each other out pretty well.  :)

In conclusion, we had a ton of good, clean, family fun.  We were exhausted and happy every night.  We spent some great time together, had some good conversations and made some funny memories (Remember that time the kids were totally terrified at Disney?  Awesome!)   It was our first real family vacation, just the four of us.  For that reason alone, it was wonderful.  Everything else was just icing.  Sparkling, efficient, magical icing.

The Artiste

Lila is an artist.  I'm not sure what kind yet, but she is.  Since she has crawled, we have found little groupings of things around the house. One day it will be a collection of candles and corks creating a frame.  Another day, it is a pile of sparkly things: coins, jewels off plastic rings, fool's gold.  She also can't resist testing the colors of things.  Like the one time I attempted to treat myself with a fancy tube of red Chanel lipstick (I don't really wear lipstick, but somehow this felt necessary at the time) and it lasted two days before she broke it off on her face, smeared all over from nose to chin.

In the past couple of weeks, Atlanta and its suburbs have been enjoying spring.  For all of us, that translates into pollen.  Everything is yellow.  It's impossible to ignore.  It can frustrate you, or you can be Lila.  Lila painted her face with pollen.  She dyed paper with pollen.  She created paper mache with pollen and scraps of paper and made baas relief designs.

She cuts and colors and draws and paints, but she also dances and sings.  This morning we were treated to a recital that included selections entitled, among others, Angel Fly, Elephant Flume, and Frog Real.  They were interpretive dance with acrobatic elements, sometimes accompanied by singer/songwriter originals.  Really awesome.  You can imagine.  But the best part was when she asked  me to try and promptly judged "I'm better than you."  And then continued "And you know Daddy isn't any good.  He never is."  Well, we probably shouldn't have laughed, but it's hard to help it.

Our house has white walls and I'm pretty much resigned to, at some point, having them redecorated -- Lila style.  I feel sure that we have some drama lessons, dance lessons and art camp in our future.  I have no doubt that she will have a unique fashion style.  Bless her heart.

However, what I'm really looking forward to is seeing what she's going to make of this little kernel she has in there.  I'm really, honestly amazed at her vision.  She creates some great collages out of trash.  She paints with pollen.  She sees something in nothing.  It's worth a little lipstick.

The Big Conversations

It may have passed you by, but a few weeks ago was Holocaust Remembrance.  Honestly, it wasn't on my radar, but Jack got a lovely bird calendar for Christmas and there it was: April 7th, Holocaust Remembrance Day.  It was a Sunday night, and I was a little late getting the kids in bed.  They've been going through this "sleepover" phase, where they want to sleep together every night, and I was giving them a trial run in Jack's room.  We're on the floor, lumped together with some sleeping bags and blankets about to read Shel Silverstein and Jack sees the Calendar.  Since he is the king of questions, he asks it: What is the Holocaust?

How do you answer this question? As is often the case, I just did the best I could.  I try to be honest and simple and see what the next question will be.  I said the holocaust was years ago when a group in Europe, but Germany especially, decided that some people were genetically inferior, so they killed them.  I could relate the whole conversation, but the parts that really stick out for me were when Lila said, "Why didn't people just go to the police?" and I had to explain that the whole government was part of the killing.  Then Jack wanted to know why the Jewish people didn't just pretend to be Christian.  I talked about denying yourself and honor and faith.  Lila wanted to know how many bad people there were, and I talked about how some normal people, who might not have been all bad, did some really unspeakable things because they were following orders, not thinking for themselves, only doing what others around them were doing.  It was a horrible, horrible night for me.

The kids, however, seemed to take it in stride.  This disturbed me as much as anything.  Lila, sweet thing, has a really big heart.  She cries when she sees a puppy on television or a princess gets hurt in a cartoon.  How that can affect her and the Holocaust doesn't is a puzzle to me.  I think it is too big and she can't see it.  Jack was just more puzzled about HOW it could have happened.  Why didn't the Jews leave as soon as they knew what was happening?  Why didn't they take the stars off?  Why couldn't kids of Jews (like him, he said) just go to France?

So, as I turned off the light and closed the door, I was wondering what kind of dreams I had given my children that night.  I wondered if I had just taught them not to trust government officials, not to tell people they are half Jewish, to always question authority.  I hope I didn't make them afraid.  I hope I didn't destroy their faith in human kindness.  I took a moment outside their room to sniff up my tears and head downstairs to warn Josh about future questions.  It seems like there are always more questions.

But this time there haven't been.  I don't know what that says about them.  Maybe we talked about it just enough that I don't have to talk about it again for a very long time.  I hope they learned enough.

First Try

I don't know who will read this, but after years of posting my kids' misadventures on Facebook, I have decided to make a more serious stab at recording their happenings and my reactions to their actions.  It's just that I feel like I need a place to put this.  I have these moments with my children-- whether it is just something funny they say, or the night when I had to explain the holocaust -- and it just feels big, like it needs to be shared.  A couple of people have consistently said I should write a book.  No.  But I might do this.  We will see.  I have a hard time sticking to things.

First off, motherhood is no joke.  Some of you may know that Jack was not exactly planned.  Josh and I had been married a couple of years and kid conversations were happening.  I went into marriage without really wanting kids -- and I made sure Josh knew I had very ambiguous feelings about motherhood.  (Still do!)  I remember one serious conversation we had outside the jewelry store, before going in to have my engagement ring re-sized.  Parking lot drama.  I really didn't want kids.  I liked quiet mornings, time to write and paint.  I liked being able to go somewhere by myself.  So, how did Jack happen?  I wasn't really trying to get pregnant.  Josh will tell you he was trying.  But he's a dude.  We were doing that calendar thing where you know which days you are fertile and you take measures to not get pregnant during that time.  (Insert disrespectful sound.)

So, lo and behold, I am with child.  Jack comes along, freaking me out.  I had a hard first year -- no question -- but Jack is a remarkable kid.  He is great company: a quiet observer, a thoughtful character, a loving person.  He's a goofball and, occasionally, a smartass.  After a couple of years of seeing what he could do, I wanted another one.  Hence, Lila.

Lila (Bean) is a whole 'nother ballgame.  This kid is anti-Jack.  She is active.  She does NOT think.  She is a do-er. She plays and plays and plays and plays.  She makes up stories and songs and dance routines.  She laughs with her entire being.  She hugs.  Alot.  She's sassy and disrespectful, headstrong and bossy.  I don't know where she gets it.

Together, we have this sort of learning community.  Jack learns to play from Lila.  Lila learns a little structure from Jack.  I learn chemistry from Jack and the joy of art from Lila.  From me... well, I'm just trying to love them the best I can. I'm hoping everything else falls into place from there.

Really, this blog is about me.  The stories might be about my kids, but the guts of this will be about how a woman learns to become a mom.  It might be 7 years too late, but here we go.  Here's to Jack and The Bean!