First Try

I don't know who will read this, but after years of posting my kids' misadventures on Facebook, I have decided to make a more serious stab at recording their happenings and my reactions to their actions.  It's just that I feel like I need a place to put this.  I have these moments with my children-- whether it is just something funny they say, or the night when I had to explain the holocaust -- and it just feels big, like it needs to be shared.  A couple of people have consistently said I should write a book.  No.  But I might do this.  We will see.  I have a hard time sticking to things.

First off, motherhood is no joke.  Some of you may know that Jack was not exactly planned.  Josh and I had been married a couple of years and kid conversations were happening.  I went into marriage without really wanting kids -- and I made sure Josh knew I had very ambiguous feelings about motherhood.  (Still do!)  I remember one serious conversation we had outside the jewelry store, before going in to have my engagement ring re-sized.  Parking lot drama.  I really didn't want kids.  I liked quiet mornings, time to write and paint.  I liked being able to go somewhere by myself.  So, how did Jack happen?  I wasn't really trying to get pregnant.  Josh will tell you he was trying.  But he's a dude.  We were doing that calendar thing where you know which days you are fertile and you take measures to not get pregnant during that time.  (Insert disrespectful sound.)

So, lo and behold, I am with child.  Jack comes along, freaking me out.  I had a hard first year -- no question -- but Jack is a remarkable kid.  He is great company: a quiet observer, a thoughtful character, a loving person.  He's a goofball and, occasionally, a smartass.  After a couple of years of seeing what he could do, I wanted another one.  Hence, Lila.

Lila (Bean) is a whole 'nother ballgame.  This kid is anti-Jack.  She is active.  She does NOT think.  She is a do-er. She plays and plays and plays and plays.  She makes up stories and songs and dance routines.  She laughs with her entire being.  She hugs.  Alot.  She's sassy and disrespectful, headstrong and bossy.  I don't know where she gets it.

Together, we have this sort of learning community.  Jack learns to play from Lila.  Lila learns a little structure from Jack.  I learn chemistry from Jack and the joy of art from Lila.  From me... well, I'm just trying to love them the best I can. I'm hoping everything else falls into place from there.

Really, this blog is about me.  The stories might be about my kids, but the guts of this will be about how a woman learns to become a mom.  It might be 7 years too late, but here we go.  Here's to Jack and The Bean!