So, we went to Disney. Jack is seven and Lila is four and, if we are lucky, they'll both remember it as a wonderful, magical trip -- and we'll never have to go again.
Not that it wasn't fantastic. Disney does Disney like nobody's business. The landscaping and service were incredible. Before we even knew we were lost, someone would help us find our way. Everything is clean and beautiful and very, very happy. We had five days together without work or school, and very little phone, TV, or ipad. We had big fun.
I also learned a few things.
1) My children do not like being scared. On some well-intentioned cast member's recommendation, we took them both on The Tower of Terror. I was screaming. The kids were freaking out. Basically, you are on a malfunctioning elevator possessed by ghosts and you fall -- are elevated-- fall -- are elevated --at random moments, in the dark. I thought Lila would never recover, but I underestimated her love of drama. She was fine as soon as Josh began to interview her about her experience. Jack... well, the damage was done. The next scary ride, and the next, and the next, he balked. No attempt to convince him that it was all ok could console him. Strangely, the other ride that really got them was the Stitch ride at Magic Kingdom. We've never really watched Stitch, but he's a funny, harmless little blue alien. On this "ride" they strap you in, brace your shoulders and head, and turn out the lights and try to scare you with puffs of air in your hair. The kids were crying. I have all kinds of parent guilt, now.
2) There are some weird people out there. (My apologies if I describe you or someone in your family.) I'm a little weirded out by the little girls, babies, and grown women who dress up as princesses. A costume is fine. A little wand? A tiara? Sure. A full out ensemble with hair extensions, make-up, tiara, glitter, high heels and no sleeves on a three year old when it's 45 degrees out? Weird.
3) While the people at Disney were not, on the whole, overweight (which was kinda surprising to me since it is so very American) the food they give you there will make you fat. We bought a food plan. They give you breakfast, a snack, and dessert at lunch and dinner. I don't think I ever ate all my dessert, but I ate a little of them all. Ugh. As to overweight people, my observation was that the most overweight crowd was the girls, ages 12 to 17. Josh's observation was that there weren't many hot women.
4) Everybody likes Disney. I was amazed at how many older people were there. We saw people get out of their wheelchairs to ride the Everest roller coaster and people in those little scooters everywhere. Also saw many people without kids. I have several friends without kids who really love Disney. But the ones who really surprised me are the groups of adults with babies. Would see parents, grandparents, and one or two little ones. Really little ones. Infants. What's the deal there? They can't ride anything. They won't remember anything. You have to push and carry them everywhere. Sounds horrible.
5) Epcot was my favorite park. It kinda has a mudflap personality. The front is all educational: land, water, technology. The back end is just hanging out, with food. Pretty, in its way. All good. A close second, possibly a tie, is Animal Kingdom. It has some of the countries, like Epcot, and it feels "natural." It has real animals who seem to be treated well. Also has some play areas for kids.
6) I was really proud that my kids didn't beg for stuff. Disney has more stores than rides and they often empty out the ride into a gift shop. My kids were probably most entranced by the pirate gear, but they never made a scene and they didn't break down when we said no. I'm not sure if that means that we're raising them with low expectations or if I've spent too much time railing about "junk" and "commercial crap" and they're scared.
7) It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. The lines weren't bad. We never really had to wait for anything. We had beautiful weather and great luck with being at the right place at the right time. We'd flow from one ride to the next without trouble. The kids were patient and relatively well-behaved. We didn't have to make a crazy plan for our days and nights. And, in its way, it was beautiful. They really are amazingly, tremendously, terrifyingly efficient at what they do.
8) I wanted a place where I could have all my questions answered. Not "when is Goofy going to sign autographs?" but things about the different kinds of trees and how they recycle the water and how much the princesses get paid. What is the hierarchy of characters? Do you start as Alice in Wonderland and work your way up to Belle? Why does Cinderella get her own float? How long are the character's days and what is their rotation? How often do they change the scripts for the cast members? I think I need to find a Disney expose'. I'm sure there is one -- movie or book. I want to know about the underground city.
9) For all the rides and shows and walking, there's not much for the kids to DO. When we found one (playground at Epcot, Tom Sawyers island at MK, the bone dig at AK) the kids were super excited. I wish there was some more of that. Also would have liked a quiet park area, one that's not fenced off, for me. Or a sensory deprivation tank. I would have rented one by the minute.
10) Finally, and most importantly, I think we learned about our little family. Jack is the kid who will watch the fireworks and tell you which element makes the fireworks have that particular color. He will figure out where the crank, gear, or controller is for the ride. Lila can actually fall asleep standing up and will cry at the shows when it's a sad story. Josh learned that he needs to wash his hands more and I learned that I really don't travel well, especially with the kids. But, we really balance each other out pretty well. :)
In conclusion, we had a ton of good, clean, family fun. We were exhausted and happy every night. We spent some great time together, had some good conversations and made some funny memories (Remember that time the kids were totally terrified at Disney? Awesome!) It was our first real family vacation, just the four of us. For that reason alone, it was wonderful. Everything else was just icing. Sparkling, efficient, magical icing.
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